Find Contentment by Ignoring Everyone Else ;)
I just read a really great blog post about the importance of NOT caring and how that can help you find contentment. Essentially, the blogger reminded me that the less I care about what other people think, the happier I’ll be. And that’s true. The enemy of contentment isn’t jealousy, it’s simply paying too much attention to other people’s lives. And that’s really, REALLY easy to do with social media. Most people put their best foot forward and only post the happy pictures and the oh-so-great-and-wonderful things that are going on.
Unfortunately, being inundated all the time with super happy people can make you feel pretty DIScontent if you pay too much attention to it.
Don't compare yourself to others. It only leads to stress and heartache. Click To TweetThe Surface Often Isn’t True
The big flaw with feeling discontented based on what you see online is that many, many people aren’t sharing their problems online. I mean, do you? Do you share every fight you have with your spouse, every night you ate a pint of ice cream because you felt down, or every bill you couldn’t pay? If you let yourself get too caught up in what other people are posting, it can make you feel really down, even depressed. Even if you’re going through legitimately tough times, this type of focus can make your tough times even harder.
Some people are pushing for more transparency online, and I think that’s good thing. If you haven’t seen this article about the truth behind one girl’s Instagram photos, it’s hilarious and you should really read it.
And Even if the Surface IS True, Who Cares?
And what IF your friends have perfectly happy marriages while you’re fighting? Or what if someone got a job promotion and you hate yours? Really, the successes of someone else’s life shouldn’t make us feel worse about our own (although sometimes that’s easier said than done!) Just because a friend is making more money doesn’t mean your life is less worthwhile. The truth is, that person may be jealous of something in YOUR life that she doesn’t have. We’re all unique, and there’s always something you’re offering the world that no one else can. Maybe you have a friend who is down and relies on you to help lift them up. Or maybe you’re volunteering at an animal shelter and making a huge difference there. Even if you can’t think of anything while you’re reading this blog post, it doesn’t mean you aren’t contributing something to the world that is uniquely YOU. Sometimes we’re just blind to our own gifts.
Women can be especially bad about this. It’s so easy to compare our looks to another woman’s, our age, our fashion sense… I’m not a mother, but I’ve heard that moms can compare how much they’re accomplishing to other moms and feel like they come up short. But the thing is, we’re doing very arbitrary comparisons based on imaginary, arbitrary scales in our brain. If you’re feeling down, you WILL balance the scale against yourself and think it’s legitimate. That’s just how our brains work. So remember: those scales aren’t very accurate.
If you're depressed, you WILL balance your mental scale against yourself. Remember: that scale is… Click To TweetComparison Leads to Gossip – Which You Should Ignore
Here’s the other side of the coin… People will hear about things you’ve done, see posts you’ve made online, and criticize you. Some people won’t be able to STOP making comparisons because that’s just who they are. And sometimes those comparisons will lead to gossip, and you’ll have a hard time not letting it get you down. If someone close to you is doing this, there may be an element of betrayal involved too. Give yourself grace in these situations. Sometimes dealing with this kind of hurt can take time. But try not to let other people’s comparisons about you get you down. Once again, ignore everyone else. 😉 If you focus on yourself and your achievements, making goals that will make YOU happy and not worrying about the gossip around you, you’ll end up happier. If you’re living to please gossipers and criticizers, you’re not really living – right?
A Biblical Thought
If you’re reading this and you’re a Christian, I want to add one more thought… Even Jesus Himself said that we shouldn’t worry about what’s happening in other people’s lives, or compare ourselves and get all worked up about it. In John 21, Peter and Jesus were talking about Peter’s not-so-pleasant future. Peter’s response was to point to John and worry that John was going to have a happier future than he would. Jesus’ response in John 21:22, was pretty simple: “Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.'”
That’s the solution in a nutshell. Don’t worry about other people’s success or failures. Just worry about improving your own life and your family’s life, and helping your friends when you can. Don’t get wrapped up in comparisons. There’s no future or happiness in that.
How are you doing on this front? If you have any stories to share, please leave a comment below! 🙂
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Just dropping by from Inspired Blogging, its nice meeting you Stephanie. 🙂 I love your blog post very much. So much truth in all that you shared.
How timely for me to read your post, with the decision I just made this evening to take the summer away from social media. My life has been going through a difficult and intense phase the past 2 years almost, and it’s been so darn hard to show up when feeling less than, amidst all that’s been going on. I’m choosing to give myself a break and a lot of self care this summer, and return online in September. Social media makes it very hard for us to not compare ourselves with the images we see of everyone’s lives and what’s shared online…. of course we never really know the reality of people’s lives and whether they are sharing their reality.
Thank you for sharing this article. Lovely.
Suzanne, I’m soooo glad this post was meaningful to you. 🙂 I understand going through a difficult phase in life, as I have soooo been there… Such a wise idea, to take the summer off from social media so you can focus on caring for yourself! I hope that in September, you come back feeling refreshed, rested, and at peace. 🙂
I don’t often post about bad things happening in my life, because I’ve always been told that “no one wants to hear you whine.” To be honest, I rarely talk about my personal life directly–it’s all about what I’ve read or seen or think. That might make me seem like having a smooth life without real problems.
I’ve heard the same thing about not whining! And that’s a great example about why we shouldn’t assume things about people’s lives based on what they write. Thank you for sharing!
I think one reason people may not post about painful things is that, yes, no one wants to hear a steady diet of troubles, but also…people don’t know how to deal with pain. You post that your pet died on Facebook, and what do people do, press “Like”? The best some of them can do is put a little sad emoticon.
It’s like with a painful subject, people are so paralyzed with saying the wrong thing that they say nothing, and that comes off as uncaring, and so the person who posted the painful topic learns to just post the light, frivolous things from then on: the candy crush updates and how they scored on a buzzfeed quiz, because when they actually opened their heart–they were ignored.
You’re right. And that’s a very sad thing when it happens — which is probably far too often. Worry about being judged or ignored can cause someone to protect themselves by being less transparent online. And it would really hurt too, to share something you’re struggling with and have no one respond. 🙁 Definitely when I advocate ignoring others, it’s just in terms of not comparing our lives and thus feeling less worthy about ourselves. We should definitely always reach out to others when we see someone hurting, to help make sure sad scenarios like that don’t happen. Thank you for sharing such a great point.
Oh, I know you didn’t mean “ignoring” that way. I was just saying, there’s a reason people only post the “happy” stuff. It takes courage to share the feelings of uncertainty, especially since there is always the risk that there will be complete silence in response. But God bless the one who reaches out, even if their words are clumsy!
Absolutely! I know I don’t always have that kind of courage, that’s for sure. I really admire people who are transparent about their lives.
So very true. As an Artist, I used to compare myself to other Artist. I would use that comparison to then judge myself….of course, that never went well. It only served to make me feel even more inadequate. It took me several years, but I finally learned NOT to compare, but to be inspired. Inspired to continue to paint, to grow as an artist!
I love that! Don’t compare, but be inspired. I can definitely run with that idea in mind. 🙂 Brilliant!
Hello Stephanie,
This is my first visit here from Inspired blogging group and I must tell you that I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post and I could relate to most points mentioned.
I used to care and make myself miserable thinking what others said or thought of me. Always conscious feeling sad when I was being talked about or criticized. Life became a living hell.
It was only after getting married my husband would constantly remind me that this behavior will only make things worse for me.
I gradually let go of that way of thought and wow….it feels good…I’m happier, free to be me.
Thank you for the reminder in this post.
Hi Hema! 🙂 Thanks for visiting and I’m soooo glad you liked the post. Wow, sounds like your husband was really helpful in teaching you to let go. It’s still a lesson I have to remind myself about every week, but life is so much better when I can do it. 🙂
So nice to meet you through Inspired Blogging. You bring up such a good point in your post. As an artist it is difficult at times to not compare yourself to all of the art you see online. But like Debbie said above I try to use it as inspiration and continue to work at my level. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for visiting! I agree — if as artists we can look at others’ work for inspiration rather than a measuring stick of our own quality, that is definitely the best way to go. 🙂